“Hey you! Come back here!”

A young boy runs past, chased by a red-faced elderly man shouting 'Catch that little
thief!'

“Gotcha! Just try to steal from me, will you!”
“Don’t you know what happens to thieves?”
“Don’t you smartmouth me, you young whippershnapper! You’re going to turn
out like Mr. Blobtrotter!”
“You’ve never heard of Felix Silvertongue Blobtrotter? Well, my boy, give back
what you stole and I’ll tell you his story!”

The red-faced elderly man clears his throat.

“Felix was born the only son of Lord Goobersnot Blobtrotter of the Halfling
Empire, I bet you didn’t know that it really existed. Even when he was a child, little
Felix was a handful. He would steal from the markets around his home and give the
food to traders who would give it to tshaharks so for him so that they wouldn’t eat him
when he finally left his home. Eventually, he was caught by the guards and sent
home to his father to be punished. Well…we can leave out how he was punished, you’re
a bit young.”
“So, back to the story. Felix was always small, even for a little Halfling, the
other Halflings always teased him about it and drove him cr-aaaa-zy! He always was
knocked up in the head. Then again, he is a Halfling.”
“Felix’s temper always brought him down, weather it was with the guards
hitting him, his father yelling at him, or his fellow Halfling children, he was always
exploding. His face would turn red as a rose, like the one on his neck; after a while it j
ust turned red permanently.”
“Eventually his father died. I don’t know how, but I wouldn’t be surprised if
he took a short drop and then a sudden stop out of madness.”

The red-faced elderly man pulls his collar up while sticking out his tongue and letting his
head go limp, as if he were a hangman.

“When Felix was a teenager, he got in a horrible argument with his widowed
mother, and ended up pushing her out of the third story window. Now, a third story
window in a Halfling house is only about as high as a second story window on a human
house, but it killed her all the same. Now Felix was wanted by most of the merchants in the
city, most of the guards in the city and just about everybody else.
Knowing that his life was in danger (or because he hated getting whip-…punished) he
left the city in the middle of the afternoon.”
“After unsuccessfully trying to steal from a few shops along the road; he winded
up in a noose twice, the point of a blade four times, thrown into a pit once, tied to a
tree five times, conked on the head for hitting on Halfling and dwarvish women
sixteen times, slapped across the face with a dead fish thrice (a live one only once
when he tried to pay for a fish with the fisherman’s own money) and of course, the
unforgettable time where he tried to steal a rat from a drunk dwarf’s beard and ended up tied to the
bottom of a running horse.”
“Ahhh, I could use a drink, his tale is only half over and you seem wide eyed
attentive.”

The red-faced elderly man drinks from a brown concoction that looks like mud and tea.

“Want some? Its good, tastes like chocolate water. No? Suit yourself.”

The red-faced elderly man drinks the rest of the concoction.

“Felix somehow stumbled on to ElvanDar, and woke up drunk on a bed in the
Halfling Embassy. Sneaking a coin or two from the kindly James, he once again got
drunk and fell unconscious after blindly following a road south.”
“Meeting many people, and making horrible first impressions, Felix became
unwanted by almost everyone. The pretty (for the Halfling race) Vilana became one
of his first friends, if not his first. However her bodyguard-like elf friend, Loranalh
(or some confusing elf name like that), absolutely loathed him, and chased him
through the swamp to the southwest of this very city, ArboRea. Eventually the elf
disappeared, and Felix fell into more trouble.”
“A few years passed with Felix pissing most people off, and then Blizt came
along. Now, I know you’ve heard of Blizt, everyone has these days. The blood-
thirsty crusader dwarf. The orange bearded terror. Fluffy-wait, that’s my dog. Blizt
the crazy chevalier. Many names has he, I’ve heard that Felix called him Lard-butt
once, but that is just a rumor.”
“Felix’s problems with Blizt were many. He got hung at least once for attacking a
beggar. I think it has been said that he even pulled the lever himself. Other problems
as a result of pissing off Blizt are too numerous to record. But even worse than
Blizt…are Kortha and Axstream and Iza, priests of Asral. Felix has puked on them,
insulted them, eaten leaches and worms in front of them, more puking, lying, more
insulting and so on and so forth. They had done terrible and cruel things to him.
Kortha had branded him, made him wet himself, and beaten him up countless times. Iza
had tied him to a pole in the middle of the Ogre camp and had him eaten alive
(by ogres). Axstream, ohhhhh, Axstream. Axstream had sent a bird of fire down on
him some amount of times which killed him, beaten him to death with morning star,
fauchard, and no weapon at all, hung him, spat on him which led to beating him up
and so on, and of course…Axstream castrated him.”
“Felix is as well off as an orc, somebody’s always ready, waiting and willing to
kill it. So you see, stealing and being caught will take you down a bad road, and
smartmouthing will only make it worse.”

The red-faced elderly man watches the young boy leave and hopes that he made a
difference in the boy’s life.

• ******ONE WEEK LATER*******
  

“Catch that little thief! He stole my medi*cough*medic*cough*ation!”

--
Deaths:
Way to many to try to count. I know loads of people complain about too many deaths, but
seriously, this is Felix we’re talking about.

Kills:
A nibbler, my second month playing. That sums it up.

Non-pvp deaths:
Believe it or not there’s only about 5!!
Falling off a cliff (was at death’s door)
Falling out of trees (deaths door once again)
Killed by nibblers before castration
Killed by nibblers after castration
Swamp

Friends (?):
Olrane (really bumpy friendship)
Vilana (had some relationship problems)
Blizt…uh…kinda…not really
Tessa! Once again, kinda.
Ramandu (they actually sang together for a bit)
Ronya (I think, don’t remember)
Alondra (another don’t remember)

People he wets himself around:
JezZ (of course)
Blizt (pants always have a large wet spot over the crotch when they meet)
(Almost any tshahark) if he doesn’t shoot them, then he pees all over himself
Axstream (if somebody cut your balls, you would wet yourself too)
Kortha (she branded him for life)
Iza (just because)
Nogem (just because)
Cathal (drunkly yelled in gnar at Cathal a few times and of course, being Felix, he didn’t
know that Cathal could speak gnar)
Gojin (don’t remember what happened but he got Gojin to yell back at him)
Crusaders in general, with the exception of Ramandu
A’kesh (-poke poke poke- ‘do that again and I cut off your fingers’ –poke-)
To be Continued…

People he doesn’t wet himself around:
Wandering newbies he explodes at for no reason (he has one, it’s just not any good)
Wandering newbies he shoots an arrow at
Nadie (never worked that out. Afraid of JezZ but he doesn’t wet himself around
Nadie…yet)
Ezdreli (she makes him want to vomit not piss)

In the 2005 Yearbook, Felix was the:
Runner up to male drama queen
Runner up to funniest character (You’re next Yegerfin…just you wait)
Top smart-arse (My pride and joy -cries happily-)
Most likely to get lost (along with any newbie) this is quite a compliment but he’s only
gotten lost three times. Swamp, ElvanDar (the bar was his center point). On his
way to bother Blizt at the crusader fort (I ended up in Jamantys or something).

Felix’s good qualities include:
Being a good distraction if you’re stealing something.
Being a good stress reliever.
Able to withstand long periods of time waiting to get hanged –may hang himself though-
Halfling punching bag.
Many other various things that would ruin the mood.

--
COMMENTS!!!

• I know you have them. You all just want to put down what you think about Felix.
  You can’t resist the urge to say he’s the stupidest char (intentionally) in the history of
  time!!!
  

Great page, Drahitt enjoyed meeting Felix recently. I think the char. is fun.