Ezdreli's Songs

A few of Ezdreli's songs were lost at one time or another, but these few survived.

Dwarven Gardener

There's a cottage in the mountains
Where a man named Borgen lives.
He's a dwarf who likes the flowers,
Which his breathren can't forgive.

He can't mine a single ruby,
Or find the jade for ink,
But he's pretty good at gardening,
And he likes to sit and think.

He can't abide hard liquor,
It makes him turn quite green.
But he's grown some prize petunias,
And he keeps his cottage clean.

Well, one fine day last summer
Some goblins came to call
And oh, his poor petunias
Were trampled, one and all.

The goblins capered madly
As they swung their blades with glee,
Breaking half the cottage windows
On their wild destructive spree.

When Borgen heard this racket,
His fury blazed up strong.
He grabbed his trusty gardening shears
And sang a dwarven battle song.

'Begone, you scum!' he bellowed
As he burst through his front door.
'You don't ruin me petunias
And expect to breathe once more!'

He paused to wave his gardening shears -
The goblins only laughed.
Their leader asked the angry dwarf,
'Are you completely daft?'
 
We don't fear no pansy dwarf
Who fights with gardening shears!
We're rough and tough and mighty,
And you, O Dwarf, are queer!'

Borgen snarled and charged at them,
His shears a blur of steel
That neatly snipped and pruned his foe
'Ere they could even squeal.

The dwarf proclaimed, amidst the dead 
And bloody trampled grass,
'I may grow prize petunias,
But I can still kick ass!'

Ranger Song

Oh I'm a loyal ranger,
The forest is my home.
And with my pointy arrows,
In search of boars I roam!

We rangers like to shoot stuff,
And drink away our woes.
But when we go to battle,
We barf upon our foes!

Oh I'm a loyal ranger,
My body's sizzling hot.
But only boars will see it...
Except when I get caught!

We rangers keep some secrets
Not known to other men -
Like where the boars are hiding
When we want sex again!

Oh I'm a loyal ranger,
I die and die and die!
And all the boars adore me,
I'm such a lucky guy!

Oh some of us like women,
And some of us like men.
But all of us are willing
To hump a boar again!